Monday, July 19, 2010

Good Communication Starts with Good Listening! - by Dr. Tess Hightower

Most couples eagerly agree that “communication” is the key to a successful – and lasting – relationship. So far, so good. Unfortunately,that’s about as far as they get! I find that there are glaring differences in how we each define “communication.”

When a couple says they are having “communication problems,” I usually find that they are actually having “listening problems.” You don’t have to agree with your partner to acknowledge their point of view but you do have to listen to it. And hear it. Combine the listening with everything else you know about him/her and you may really start to understand “where they’re coming from.” And why.

Two important first rules to help you on your way:

Men,you are mostly the logical problem-solvers. And, sometimes, that can be so valuable. But let your lady speak. She doesn’t always need an answer or solution. She might just want to verbalize and know you understand. So, just listen, unless she asks you for help.

Ladies, when you want to resolve a problem with your partner or voice an opinion quite different from his own, don’t come at him in an accusatory fashion, which sounds like an attack or criticism. Be aware of your facial expression, soften your tone and just present the problem.

I invented an acronym called STOP. First see the stop-sign and then the letters: S (soften) T (the) O (original) (P)presentation. Take a time-out if the conversation is too heated – come back when you can have a softer dialogue.


SOURCE: http://www.liarliarlist.com/UI/BlogHome.aspx

WHY DO WE LIE?- by Dr. Tess Hightower

Most of us have a secret or two that we don’t reveal on a first meeting. This is the usual process of dating. Even I, as a psychotherapist, might caution a recovering alcoholic or drug addict not to reveal too much on a first date.

In the beginning, most of us put our best foot forward. Then as we become more comfortable in the relationship, we reveal more about ourselves,with the hope, of course, that we will still be loved and accepted, warts and all. But, when we lie, whether as a child, “I didn’t break the lamp, my brother/sister did,” or, “My online picture is current,” we are still crossing a line.

The lie may, indeed, keep us from being rejected as too old,too short, too heavy, etc., at least for the moment, but the more we get away with the lie, the easier it is to rationalize the next one. And sooner or later, it’s “judgment day” when we meet in a face-to-face and a smiling, “Oooops,sorry…only kidding!” may not really suffice!

Another wrinkle is that some of us actually lie to ourselves; whether it’s, “Just one more cookie won’t hurt my diet, “ or “Everyone tells me I look younger, so it’s OK if I lie about my age.” Oh what a tangled web we weave…

While one lie may not define a person, it’s important to notice when participating in online dating services. Dishonesty can reveal character and help you know if this person’s values are the same as yours. Remember, relationships built on lies, are akin to houses being built on sand.


SOURCE: http://www.liarliarlist.com/UI/BlogHome.aspx

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Are you a “Shopper” who Never Buys Anything?

Are you a “Shopper” who Never Buys Anything?
A Kid in the Candy Store? A (gasp!) Serial Dater?

By Dr. Tess Hightower



The second greatest complaint, after liarliar profiles, for both men and women dating online, is the “disposable” quality of cyber-dating. That is, many members have either never been married, are newly divorced or just out of a relationship and not really looking for an intimate long-term love partner. Therefore, many have continous “first date” meetings.

Have you taken a good look at your online profile? Does it say that you would like a permanent relationship, marriage, children, or whatever the bait to pull more fish into your net? But does it truly reflect what you actually need or want? Are you really available for the long term commitment or are you engaged in revolving door dating?

Sometimes the most profound lie is not about height, age or weight; it’s about availability. And this lie might even be told to oneself. The desire to be in a relationship or available for intimacy might cloud the reality.

So before declaring yourself “ready for love,” you owe it to yourself and your potential dates to see if your desire truly matches your reality.

Monday, July 12, 2010

LiarLiarList comes to life

Is Your Online Dream Date a Liar?


Liarliarlist.com Reveals the Truth about Online Profiles

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are more than 100 million single people, in America, over the age of 18. Research also indicates that some 40 million of them use online dating or social networking sites in hopes of meeting the man or woman of their dreams.
Unfortunately, research also reveals at least half of the potential cyber mates may be lying or misrepresenting themselves in their profiles or photos. How do you know if that 6’5 guy is closer to 5’6” or the thirty something gal is actually pushing 50? Liairliartlist.com to the rescue.

The recently launched website has the 411 on whose posts are works of fiction and whose are the real deal, where what you see is really what you get. By logging on to Liarliarlist.com and writing reviews—identifying people by their screen name and dating site only—members create an invaluable database that can help fellow romance-seekers eliminate many of the uncertainties of online dating.

The easy navigation on Liarliarlist.com lets you know if your prospective date is telling the truth or a bald-faced lie. Is your dream date on the list? Are you on the list?

The brainchild of writer and marketer Beth Greenfield, the site is born of her own surprising, disappointing, sometimes poignant and often funny experiences in the internet dating world. The idea came to her after yet another unsuccessful face-to-face with someone whose profile was nothing like the real person.

“I wondered if there was a way to exchange information about people who lie on their profiles,” she says. “I wasn’t concerned about what kind of date the guy was, that’s a whole different dynamic of the dating experience. My concern grew out of the very basic reason we want to meet each other, in the first place - are they telling the truth in their picture and their profile?”

Liarliarlist.com joins an industry that rakes in an estimated $976 million, reports research firm Market data Enterprises. But the site occupies a unique niche as the only truly professional, full service site devoted to pointing out—in the nicest possible way—the most deceitful online posters.

Acting as the internet dating watchdog, Liarliar’s goal is to simply set the record straight. And, in the ultimate nod to fairness, anyone who receives a negative review can refute the accusations and others can add their opinion, as well. While Liarliar’s mission is to expose the truth, the site is designed to be entertaining, informative and even offer a few dating possibilities of its own. So, subscribers to Liarliarlist.com will find a host of engaging interactive features.

Through Puppy Love, dog lovers can meet possible mates who share the same passion for a particular breed. Audio Horoscopes lets you meet your most compatible astrological love sign. On the Message Board, people can seek suitable partners via areas of compatibility such as interests and activities.

In addition, Liarliarlist.com includes contests to choose the hottest member of the week or the biggest dissembler; a blog by Dr. Truth, a psychologist who specializes in relationships; and fun provocative quizzes to test your own sexy savvy. A mobile capability will even allow users to check and post while still on their date.

As founder and CEO, Greenfield believes Liarliar can transform the online dating landscape: “I think people will check their own reviews to see if somebody called them out and then fix the most egregious misrepresentations, like photos that are 15 years old or statistics that are blatantly untrue. We also want to hear about the all those who were totally honest.”

And why do they lie in the first place? Greenfield posts the theory that “people believe they can overcome any shortcomings by the force of their personality. Plus, they’re afraid to show who they really are for fear of being rejected.”

With a demographic that cuts across income, age, education, religion, interests, etc., Liarliarlist.com offers advertisers a bonanza of opportunities, from fine dining to fast food, from personal fitness to pet care, from sports equipment to spa vacations and countless other possibilities.

The basic post and search feature will remain free but as brand identity grows and conditions warrant, the premium dating services will become subscription-fee based. Revenue is also expected through “Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!” and “Are YOU on the list?” merchandise and the development of various media properties.

Forty million Americans from 18 to 80 are on an online quest for love. Liarliarlist.com will ensure they get a lot more truth in advertising.


SOURCE: liarliarlist.com
Contact: Cindy Rakowitz (818)783-3307 or Andrew Scott (818)392-0682