Most couples eagerly agree that “communication” is the key to a successful – and lasting – relationship. So far, so good. Unfortunately,that’s about as far as they get! I find that there are glaring differences in how we each define “communication.”
When a couple says they are having “communication problems,” I usually find that they are actually having “listening problems.” You don’t have to agree with your partner to acknowledge their point of view but you do have to listen to it. And hear it. Combine the listening with everything else you know about him/her and you may really start to understand “where they’re coming from.” And why.
Two important first rules to help you on your way:
Men,you are mostly the logical problem-solvers. And, sometimes, that can be so valuable. But let your lady speak. She doesn’t always need an answer or solution. She might just want to verbalize and know you understand. So, just listen, unless she asks you for help.
Ladies, when you want to resolve a problem with your partner or voice an opinion quite different from his own, don’t come at him in an accusatory fashion, which sounds like an attack or criticism. Be aware of your facial expression, soften your tone and just present the problem.
I invented an acronym called STOP. First see the stop-sign and then the letters: S (soften) T (the) O (original) (P)presentation. Take a time-out if the conversation is too heated – come back when you can have a softer dialogue.
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